I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
