i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
