dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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