i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
