I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
