you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
