You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
