Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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