You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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