so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
nutella sex= disaster
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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