The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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