he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
