I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
