i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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