i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
