wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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