What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
