her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
