if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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