my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
