I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
