Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
