Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
