So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I cannot find my penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
