she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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