ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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