Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
