From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
