at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
