i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
40s are totally the cure
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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