you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
