I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
