i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No subtext here. People are naked.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
