Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
