shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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