He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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