I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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