Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize