I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
