i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
