Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
