Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
