We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
