God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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