I cockslap morals
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
