Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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