I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
