I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
