I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
