Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
