my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
