Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
