So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
