You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
