My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ketchup is God's man juice
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
