She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
