the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
