glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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