If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh god was she eating orange peels again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Mom said you looked used
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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